


A Chronicle of the Grotesque

by tluthal



Category: Bloodborne (Video Game)
Genre: AU of an AU, Canon-Typical Violence, Female Hunters, Gen, Nonbinary Hunter, POV Female Character, irreverent af
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-22
Updated: 2016-08-09
Packaged: 2018-07-26 00:00:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7552288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tluthal/pseuds/tluthal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A chronicle of a hunter's journey, in an altered timeline. Not exactly lighter-and-softer, but an emphasis on humor is present. Material is treated irreverently, but with great fondness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. That Time I Woke Up In a Grody Clinic

A great pool of blood and a bloody beast within...

A dozen tiny, deformed faces, crowding around in a display of concern...

The stout, tiny woman rolled off the table with an inarticulate cry of surprised distress and a resounding _thud_ that shook the fragile furniture scattered around in a disarray. She lay on the cool, dusty boards for a moment, before resolutely pushing herself to hands and knees, grasped onto the table, and bodily pulled herself to her feet, automatically compensating for the... the _gurney_ , that was the word! The gurney’s unexpected movement. She glowered at it and brushed herself off, glancing down at her clothing. A striped vest over a dirty, once-white shirt, dark pants, and what she had to conclude was a dark hood. She rubbed at her eyes. Everything more than a foot or so away was a blur... but as she blinked, it seemed to come into sharper focus.

She frowned, and didn’t know why.

She shook her head harshly and began to explore the filthy clinic, eventually stumbling into a chair. On it was a pair of silver-framed glasses - she hastily snatched them up and settled them on, sighing in a strange sense of relief, and then gingerly lifted the paper to read it.

 _Seek Paleblood to transcend the hunt_.

Transcend the hunt? She squinted at the paper, before shaking her head. What was this nonsense about paleblood and a hunt...?

She heard a rumbling growl from... somewhere down below. She squinted at the floor as though she could see through it, then grumbled. Nothing for it but to look and see what was happening. Her booted feet ghosted across the old floorboards in a delicate display of grace that such a broad frame made startling. The stairs only creaked under her carefully-placed weight once, causing her to freeze before continuing on her way just as quietly as before. The growls grew louder as she reached the end of the stairs and eased along one wall towards a door on the far wall. The next room seemed to be where all the noise was coming from, and all of the furniture in this one seemed... pre-destroyed.

She peered cautiously around the doorway, seeing the backside of a massive furred shape feeding on a corpse dressed... in clothes identical to hers. She scowled and felt a flare of irrational anger, stepping into the doorway as though she owned the place. “ _And just what do you think you’re doing, you overgrown mongrel?”_ Spilled from her lips without her brain being involved in the matter even slightly.

Naturally, the beast rounded on her, staring at her with empty, glowing eyesockets. Her hands found her hips.

“ _Well? I’m waiting!”_

It raised one hand-like paw to point towards her as it began to stalk forward.

“ _IT’S RUDE TO POINT!”_ She strafed to one side, avoiding the beast’s charge with the same grace that had let her descend the stairs so quietly, and aimed a boot at its backside. The beast whirled on her, claws scraping her side as she danced back again. A moment later, she was trapped in a corner and the beast’s teeth snapped around her throat.

* * *

Jenn carefully shoved herself to her feet, staring in puzzlement at the stony ground below her. Hadn’t she just been in a building...? As she rose unsteadily to her feet in an alarming surge she found herself in a peaceful graveyard below a mansion. The moon hung low in the sky, so close it looked like she could reach out and touch it.

“ _Where?”_ Her head swept side to side, greeted mostly by clusters of bony little creatures reaching out for her. Soft moans were the only reply. She frowned at them a little. “ _Thanks for trying, but that’s not an answer.”_

Another series of moans, before a pair of bony little hands finally found one of her pockets and dug out a well-loved tarot deck. Her eyebrows shot up. So that’s what had been digging into her thigh... The group containing that one pulled away for a moment, spreading the creased and spotted cards out before lifting one up to show to her. It depicted two tall pillars and a river, the moon hanging low above the traveler stepping between the pillars.

“ _The Moon. You’ve stepped beyond the veil between the worlds, into the land of spirit and dreams. Watch your step, for the path forward is treacherous. Surrender to instinct or fight your way through madness, either way, the moon rules this land.”_ Jenn hummed and nodded. “ _Alright. That wasn’t Death or a death_ card _, so I’ll take it I’m not dead.”_ She sighed and rubbed her face, then held her hands out for the cards back.

Instead of handing her the deck, they handed her three cards. One depicted an angel mixing fire and water, another depicted a priest with acolytes at his feet, and the third depicted a king upon his throne, holding a sword across his lap. She sighed. “ _Temperance, the Heirophant, and the King of Swords. Two of those are people, I’ll wager, but..._ ”

The little messengers handed her back the deck. She shuffled the withdrawn cards back into it, but as she shuffled the angel back into the deck of symbols, she glanced up to see a tall, spindly doll seated on a wall amongst flowers. Her frown deepened, and she glanced back down at Temperance.  In the way of dreams, it was hard to focus upon the details, but she couldn’t shake the feeling she was to make a connection between the image and the still doll before her, or its strange presence. Having seen it, she felt certain the lifeless thing was watching her.

After a moment’s hesitation, she took a winding path through the flowers rather than pass by it to reach the stairs she could easily see. The mansion at the top of the hill was locked tight, though, and there was no reply to Jenn’s knocking. She sighed in annoyance and started back towards the rockier path leading to the stairs. Maybe on that side...? Her distracted steps lead her right to the edge of the winding path, and though her balance was excellent, it wasn’t good enough to compensate for a complete lack of earth beneath her feet. Landing on a group of startled messengers in a birdbath was the second most unpleasant experience she could remember, and she roundly swore about it until the air seemed to begin to blue.

After a moment, she forced herself to her feet for the third time in something under an hour and stumbled through the little gully along the path. She found herself far closer to the lifeless, dusty doll than she wanted to be, and in trying to stay well out of potential grabbing distance, stumbled directly into yet another group of bony little moaners.

Their grasp steadied her, and moments later they offered her a selection of weapons. She hesitated - somehow, the cane felt familiar - but reached for a massive axe instead. That would do the job against whatever it was she had faced before. Another few steps brought her to a group offering her a choice of guns. She chose the pistol with little hesitation. She held no fondness for firearms, but a quicker draw was better. A final group offered her a green, leather-bound notebook, embossed with a tree of life, with a lovely pen inside the cover. She examined it, before flipping forward to a blank page to jot down the cards the messengers had offered her.

She continued to the top of the stairs and found the mansion locked from that side as well. She scowled at it, gave the door a grumpy kick, then stomped down the stairs in a fit of temper.

“ _Alright, how do I get out of here?”_ Her hands once more found her hips as she glowered down at the messengers.  Helpfully, they pointed at a particular gravestone, a small garden of them waving for her to come closer from the base of it. She groaned softly at having to put her back to the peculiar presence of the doll, but knelt down to take the grasping little hands.

* * *

She wasn’t sure how she knew how to pull the longer shaft out of the relatively short-handled axe, but it came apart in her hands like an old friend. She skidded forward a short distance as it _chunk!_ ed into place, twirling on the ball of her booted foot into a deadly spin. “ _Hi asshole! Bye asshole!”_ The beast shook its head in confusion, opening it up for her to dart forward, hand thrusting down its throat to grasp something thick and slimey and jerk it out in a single merciless motion. It let out a choked sound before collapsing in a heap of dead weight and mangy fur.

“ _That’s what I thought. Jerk.”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well thanks for getting this far! This is mostly a chronicle of a playthrough we're doing for reference for a later work, but with some appropriate character additions and one notable substitution - which you haven't seen yet. We're having fun here, so don't take it too seriously.


	2. That time I definitely didn't fall up a ladder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jenn is pretty much a cat wearing a human skin.

The little hunter returned to the top of the stairs, blinking slowly at the now-closed doors. She could have sworn they were open before, hadn’t she, herself, opened them...? After a moment of glaring at them did nothing to open them, she rapped delicately on one, careful not to further break the glass. A startled gasp came from beyond them, followed by quick footsteps. The shattered panes were frosted, but Jenn could just make out a tall, slender figure.

“Are you... Out on the hunt?” The woman beyond the door called out. For some reason, that sounded familiar, so Jenn nodded. There was a slight pause, before the woman spoke again. “I’m sorry?”

Oh. Right. The woman could probably see about as much of Jenn as she could see of the woman. _“I... suppose I am,”_ she supplied.

“Does this clinic seem familiar to you?” The soft voice asked. Jenn’s hesitation seemed to be all the answer the woman needed. “Then I’m very sorry, but I _cannot_ open this door. I am Iosefka. You were... brought to this clinic earlier today. With the hunt on, I’m afraid my patients cannot be exposed to infection. I know this is a great burden to shoulder, that you hunt for us, and the town... but this is all I can do.” Through one of the cracks, she offered a large vial of a yellowish elixir.

Jenn took it carefully, looking puzzled. The woman chuckled softly.

“You don’t recall what this is? It is a purified form of blood. It may be easier on your system. And... I have something for you, when morning comes. For now, go. I pray your hunt is fruitful.”

The tiny Hunter frowned at the vial for a moment, then tucked it away and bowed to the door. _“Thank you, Iosefka.”_

Iosefka hesitated, putting her hand on the door and leaning closer, her voice barely above a whisper. “I... have a small stock. If you find yourself in desperate need, return here and I will do the best I can for you.”

Jenn bowed again, before turning to leave. She glanced over her shoulder and waved, feeling a cocky smile on her face despite the circumstances. She made her way through the clinic carefully, stopping to get a blood vial off of the corpse she had left on the ground. It felt somehow repulsive, but just as necessary. She faintly recalled a grizzled old man saying something about “some Yharnam blood of yer own,” perhaps he hadn’t just meant the...

She froze for a moment when she recalled the needle embedded in her arm, and hesitantly looked down at the filthy bandages binding her arms. With as much delicacy as one would use to pick up a particularly large, disgustingly squashed insect in a piece of scrap paper, she carefully pulled the needle out and discarded it, shuddering in disgust. How long had that been in her?!

She cried out and covered her eyes as she exited the clinic, into the courtyard afront it. The sunset filled it with light and it was too much for her eyes. She furiously scrubbed tears from them, peering through first one watery eye, then the other. It burned worse on her right eye, so it was that one she kept closed as she looked around to see if any threats had been alerted by her pained yelp.

It took painful minutes to adjust to the light, but slowly her breathing eased and her eyes stopped protesting. There wasn't much in the courtyard but a heavy iron gate. She crossed to it carefully, leaning her weight against it to open it. That did little, until she finally shoved against it with her full strength as well. It creaked loudly in protest, freezing for another moment before finally spilling her into a round plaza. She nearly fell into it, but caught herself on the gate.

Thankfully, though, nobody saw that.

She examined the plaza, but found nothing of interest at first. She tried the gate to her left, but found it wouldn’t open. With a huff, she gave it a kick, but on turning to face the right-hand gate, noticed a gleam among the plants and carefully fished a handful of quicksilver bullets out of them. Those she tucked into a pocket, before going to try the last gate.

This one opened with just her weight shoved against it, and she managed not to stumble over her own feet when it creaked open. Another gleam caught her eye, this time down a set of stairs, and she snagged herself another handful of blood vials. Left with the choice of left or right, she took right, and nearly ran right into the arms of a man with a torch and an axe.

“Outsider!” He thrust his torch at her.

 _“It is_ rude _to point!”_ She countered, raising the gun in her left hand to blast a shot of bloody quicksilver into his face. He cried out and stumbled back, and she stepped under his guard, her own axe sinking deep into his side. Blindly, he tried to set her alight, but she ripped her axe out of  his stomach with a sickening squelch and instead lopped off his arm. He howled in pain, and fell to his knees. Her axe laid open his skull in a clean downstroke. _“... Jerk.”_

A kick or two to the body revealed a blood vial she quickly snatched up. She examined his torch with far more interest than his body, but concluded it would be of no use - already charred and brittle as it was. She harrumphed and carried on, climbing onto abandoned coaches to peer into their windows. Nothing of interest there... Next, a strange lever set into the street caught her attention. She was tempted to kick it, but decided against it, just in case irony chose that moment to catch up with her, and cause a little experimental donk to break the mechanism.

She did have to struggle with it a bit, desperately pulling at it with her heels skidding across the cobblestones. Stupid tall people always building things sized for themselves... She landed on her generous rear when it finally decided to cooperate. The ‘whuff!’ was easily covered by the massive clattering that heralded a... ladder. Descending from the building high above. She stared up at it in mild bemusement for a long moment, then carefully began to climb.The tall ladder was a challenge for her, forcing her to half-lunge for each rung. Further grumbling escaped her, but soon enough a small platform was close. In her eagerness to reach the top she overreached, her lower foot catching on a rung as she screeched indignantly and flailed for one of the decorative spires at the top of the ladder. She managed to catch onto it by some miracle of not-falling-to-a-particularly-embarrassing-death, and flung her torso over the platform, clinging to it for dear life.

... _Someone_ was laughing at her, half-hysterically, and coughing heavily. She sighed. _Of course_ someone had heard that. Just her luck. She crawled onto the rooftop courtyard that... apparently lead to another layer of city, judging by the front door and window and _gated alley_ beyond it. She shook her head, deciding it was best not to ponder why there was another layer built upon the previous one. She skirted the lantern that grew from the stone slabs and the beckoning little creatures near it, instead approaching the window.

_“Heard that, did ya?”_

“Aha-heee... indeed I did. You must be a Hunter, and not one from around here either. I'm Gilbert, a fellow outsider. You must have had a fine time of it. Yarnham has a special way of treating guests. I don't think I could stand if I wanted to, but I'm willing to help, if there's anything that can be done,” He coughed wretchedly.

Jenn frowned, putting a hand against the bars outside the window. _“I’ll say. The idiot at the base of the ladder tried to light me on fire!”_

That got her a weak chuckle. “This town is cursed. Whatever your reasons might be you should plan a swift exit. Whatever can be gained from this place, it will do more harm than good."

 _“... I don’t... remember. Much of anything, except instructions to seek something called Paleblood?”_ Jenn watched the window for movement, but was disappointed. Whoever was inside was apparently not at an angle she could see easily.

"Paleblood, you say? Hmm...” Gilbert paused. “Never heard of it. But if it's blood you're interested in, you should try the Healing Church. The church controls all knowledge on blood ministration, and all varieties of blood. Across the valley to the East of Yharnam lies the town of the Healing Church, known as the Cathedral Ward. And deep within the Cathedral Ward is the old grand cathedral. ...the birthplace of the Healing Church's special blood, or so they say,” Another cough echoed through the window. Jenn winced in sympathy for the poor man’s lungs. "Aaah... Yharnamites don't share much with outsiders. Normally, they wouldn't let you near the place, but... The hunt is on tonight. This might be your chance..."

Jenn managed a smile in case the sick man could see her. _“Thank you, Gilbert, truly. That’s a great help!”_

“You’re welcome. Come see me again, if I may be of service.”

 _“I’ll come back and check on you later,”_ She promised, stepping away from the window, to the lantern. For a long moment, she pondered what to do with it, finally reaching out to touch the post it dangled from lightly. She felt a spark above her eyes, and the lantern flared to life with silver light. She stared blankly for a moment, wondering why the light should seem so eerily familiar.

After a moment, she shook off the feeling and returned to the edge of the building. Gripping tightly to the railing, she peered over it... and spotted a gleam she had missed earlier. An eager grin crossed her face, though she shuddered at the ladder.

Well, nothing for it. She cautiously began to descend, clinging tightly to the sturdy metal.

Naturally, her boot slipped again. She shrieked, but by clinging close to the ladder... found herself hitting the ground safely, though with a jarring thump.

_“I... really... really... despise ladders.”_

The adrenaline carried her through a tiny ambush that netted her a molotov cocktail. She snickered to herself, keeping it handy... before promptly realizing she was going to have to climb the ladder.

Again.

_“Oh, fuck me.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #fuckladders


End file.
